It's Gotten Late, and I Do Not Want to Be Alone? AKA DIGRESSION now starring...

Catchy title, no? I stole it and modified from a Death Cab for Cuite song. They rock just for your information. (Whoa, no acronym, right, ah man that's totally awesome man, ya' know?) No my Dazed and Confused friend, no acronym. (Well that was out of the blue.) Anyways, I have not posted in a while, so I figure, why not now? I just had friends over, they left, now I feel lonely, like I always do after they leave. I hate it. Sometimes I think living alone would be great, then it's moments like these that I wish I would never live alone. (I guess family kind of counts, not really.) I have been thinking (I know, it sucks), and I keep having this thought that I will be alone for forever. Which is what I kind of want, but don't? Hmm.. depends on how angsty I am at the time. (I use a nifty thing called the angst-o-meter it's rather useful, especially because I am still a teenager.) I wish I would quit digressing, but then again there really is no topic to this dumb rant. I guess I just feel lonely, it's really hard to pin down. I swear on my own life I am not being overdramatic. I just feel this constant lonliness. And I really don't want people to say "Poor Ben he feels lonely", that just doesn't help and makes me feel even worse. Although it's the thought that counts I guess. But as in my other bloggish rant, girlfriend, good or bad? See I think it'd be great for a while, and the worst possible moment, Dumpsville. (ha that amuses me
greatly, Dumpsville not geting dumped). I know that would happen, because I am me, and life likes to spit in my face. As sad as that sounds it's mildly true.
Anyways, who said I would ever get a girlfriend. I have too much shame, and no confidence. (Oh by the way, I hope no one thinks I am one of those sex obsessed people, who just wants some, because that is kind of the oppisite of what I need, or should I say want, just a meaningful relationship.) And apparently confidence is the only thing that attracts women.
So to set something straight, I am not attractive, (not really), and have no confidence (as if that was NOT obvious from my first blog to now). I have no where to begin to achieve confidence. I am just not that kind of person. And why should I be? Oh wait the whole self image thing... The point is I am... what am I? (Well right now I am digressing) I am me. (Not as profound as it seems) Are there others like me? No, let's hope not. We don't need anymore curly haired self hating freaks, do we? The point is, well there really is no point. I am just writing this so I don't go insane and snap one day. When I snap, there will be no blood shed, I will just refuse to leave my room.
Which brings me to another point, do I have Sylvia Plath syndrome? I am a poet/writer. It is proven those who write poetry and write novels (kind of like I do) are at a higher risk for a mental break down, and suicide. (I am not suicidal, just confidentless, which isn't a word, is it?)
Long story short, I feel lonely, unattractive, and.. well that sums it up. Also creative. See something positive always comes out of the really bad. I feel creative, and expressive. Some of the better writers wrote their best works while depressed, even tho I don't think I am depressed, let's hope not. I just feel so bored and useless.
I think I am done brooding. I have many more thoughts but refuse to write them, because when I do write them, they become realized, something I don't want to do with these thoughts.
Aufwiederschreiben.