In Keeping With The Title, a Tempremental Whirlwind?

I have not posted in a while, mostly because I am one lazy SOB. Hahaha... the point is things could be looking up or going down. See it's on the brink of both greatness and absolute crap. I read more, which is always good, I guess. I don't really write that much anymore. I think I kind of know why in a way. Church was interesting today, for once it felt like I kind of belonged with the other teens. Thanks to Friday/Saturday's chat (that lasted from about midnight to five in the morning) with my friend. (I refuse to name names.. maybe she will read this in the future...).
Now to get all emotional. I honestly do think I am an emo at heart, which scares the hell outta me. I am so whiny, hell, this whole post is like some big rant, one hella whiny rant. The point is I feel mildly bereft of something... What I meant was I feel unfrequented, and forlorn. I get angry for no reason, kind of like mood swings. It's so fun...
For the most part, I am glad I am seeing friends more and more. But for some reason, no matter how many friends I have, very close friends, I still feel rather empty. I wonder if others feel that way.
ouch my lip just split.
The point is, I have a void in my.. soul? (holy shit that's overdramatic) that can not be filled by friends. The point I seem to be dancing around (like a well worn politician) is that I think I need a girl friend. hahaha I finally said it. The sad thing is, I think if I were to get one (hahaha it's like a joke, more like is a joke), that relationship would either make things better, or worse, and right now I am leaning towards the worse option. I think that's kind of amusing, now that I have written it down. Something I kind want, and think I need, and it'd make things worse. HA!
I have been thinking about college a little too much lately, now that the lingering threat is becoming an actual threat, I don't know what to do, and where to go. I would kind of like to go to NYU, but, I took the PLAN test, and I got a very low score. But my GPA is kind of high. But I suck too much at everything else I would never make it. I would really have to apply at school, and school work, and study hardcore for the ACT and SAT, and do amazing, and I know I won't. I suck too much. I can't do it. I know I can't. I already have a terrible attitude going into the new school year, how do you think I will do? But the thought of going to NYU is such a nice thought. Except for the fact that I would leave my whole life behind, for an effing bachelors degree. (Those are like GED's now, sweet Jesus.) And I know I would not get enough scholarships, and I have no money, and neither do my parents. But this thought is so powerful, me going to NYU, like so many famous, successful people have done. It's amazing. And I really want to go to New York. I would never go to CU. Although it's schools and majors appeal to me greatly. Again it's too expensive, and Boulder scares the bejesus outta me.
But the thought of college depresses me, only because it seems like my best friends want to go to colleges that are very very far away. I hate it. I finally have very close friends, and they are leaving? It sucks.
I want a MacBook. Three problems, my computer I am using is like six months old, I have no money, and I have a Zune. Hopefully Microsoft will pull it's head from it's ass and make the Zune avaliable for the Macintosh. A lot of Mac users want to use non iPod products. And the new Zune is quite amazing! Just make the software compatiable or something. I don't know, make it work, I beg you! See my plan is to keep this one for two years, a great life time for Computers, and get a MacBook then. (Whatever is avaliable in the future). And guess what it is for? College.
I hate high school. Mostly because it shows how shallow everyone truly is. I hate the word hot in relation to a person's body. I hate it. It just bothers me. Mostly because it makes me feel like I am not good enough physically.... I guess it's kind of a long story. And the hell I am going to tell it on this thing.
I guess I am done ranting, some things I refuse to tell.